The Ultimate Goal....

"My world exists in a place known only to those who have been here before. It is a place that allows me to escape the daily routine of life, to experience moments all my own, yet shared with others. My world exists on the ice, where I retain lifelong memories filled with the grandeur of battles past. It is here that life gives me opportunities to delve into a world only hockey players can appreciate. A world where anticipation is heavy with fear as I lace up my skates, knowing fate is in my hands with the stick that I taped. What would I do without this game in my life, or the place where dreams are made? What would I do without the dressing room, the smell of sweat-dried equipment, and the chatter of small talk as I prepare to go to war? What would I do without the cold crisp air burning my lungs as I skate hours on end, early mornings, late nights? What would I do without the traveling of great distances to take to the ice, or the sounds of pucks banging off battle-scarred boards? There is only one thing to do, and that would be to do it again, knowing that I wouldn't change it for anything. You see, each time I put on my jersey, I take pride in the very crest that means I am part of something special: A group of athletes willing to sacrifice individual achievements for The Ultimate Goal."
The Weekly Archives
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October 2009
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January 2010
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May 24, 2010



This is it, the final entry of the 2009-2010 season. For the post-season awards, Click Here



May 11, 2010

Another successful season is in the books, with the Rangers besting the Bruins by the slimmest of margins. The final score was 13-8, but I think we can all agree that it seemed closer.





Tommy seemed to be in position all night, but somehow the puck kept getting by him. During a few flurries, it actually seemed to go right through him.
Sources indicated that it might have something to do with that Flux Capacitor tattoo he got just before game time.

It's common knowledge that Parker generates 1.21 Gigawatts when he hits 88 MPH.




Speaking of Parker, there will be a new rule next season for the Irish Flash. He will be required to wear a parachute, a backpack, and the slowest player on the ice gets a free ride. Details on eligibility forthcoming...







Upper Deck has released it's new "Huff N Puff" Legends series, with the first card being that of a rookie...

The explanation was that his rookie status was null and void due to his advanced age and stand-up style of play.

"We hadn't seen that since BAAAAANNNNNERMAN played."




Terry played A-line, giving some much needed speed to the ever-slowing 30-somethings.


McLovin was his usual cherry-picking self, hanging out at the blue line waiting for the biscuit. As he reached back for a pass while standing still, Mackie got up a full head of steam and hopped on his back as they crossed into the zone, galloping all the way to the finish line.




Finally, Ostrich found out the hard way that pay-back is a bitch. Early in the game he spotted a pair of gloves carefully laid on the dasher in front of the Bruin bench. As he skated by, he knocked one off, then when discovering the gloves belonged to Vic, he made a return trip for the other.

Two periods go by.

Late in the third, while sitting on the bench and watching the play, approximately seven pounds of fresh snow found it's way into Ostrich's left ear courtesy of Vic's stick blade.

Ah, nothing like a fresh Sno-Cone to wake you from your slumber...


There will be one more entry later this week for post-season awards... Stay tuned!




May 3, 2010

Well, it comes down to the last week of the season...

The Bruins come out on top of a squeaker Thursday by a score of 5-2. That puts the Rangers ahead of the season series by only one game, with a record of 17-16-1. The Bruins can tie it up with a win in the last game, which leads to the inevitable question...

Should the season be decided in a shootout??? Hmmm...

Previous to the game Thursday, HNP Officials decided to record all players autographs for future historical reference. In keeping with HNP tradition, it was decided that a time capsule would be buried with the signatures, along with a genuine Joe Smigiel smashed stick, a Tom Mackie autographed puck commemorating his 97th goal, and a puck bag full of Jim Grieco's used underwear.

This time capsule was to be buried in the back lot of the rink with express instructions that it be opened in the HNP centennial year of 2075 by future HNP stars William E Thorn IV and Robert Orr Smigiel Jr.

Unsubstantiated reports that Mike Hall's helmet was actually retrieved from the 1875 time capsule and put back into use could not be confirmed as of press time.







Battling the flu, but hanging in there like a trooper, Vic thought he had a sure goal in the first period.

Upon further review, it was determined that the puck was batted in with a high stick.



Somehow, Dave "White Team Sucks" Bosak wound up in his own net,
desperately trying to avoid being hit by yet another blistering B-line slapshot.


Super slow motion replays showed Dave airborne shortly before ending up in the twine.
Hmmmm, somehow this seems familiar...



Ross "Don't Touch The Hair" Perrelli wore White for the first time this season. The pristine sweater still had nice, crisp creases in the sleeves and harkened our senses back to the days that OUR jerseys smelled as though they had just come off the rack, unlike the musty crusty semi-white bacteria factories worn by the players lining the east bench.

No cameras were allowed for the event, so it was up to website staffers to create an artists rendering of this historic sight.




Cosmonaut Yuri GREGarin missed Thursday's skate due to personal reasons. Sources indicated that he had a previous engagement attending a "Sons of Lenin" meeting.

Upon arrival, he realized he was at the London Chapter...









At the end of the last shift, Michael left the ice and chucked his stick halfway down the hallway behind the bench while screaming something understandable only to the voices in his head.

The distance and accuracy of the heave attracted scouts from the both the US and Canadian Olympic javelin teams.

While the opportunity to chuck a pointy stick for the glory of his country had him tempted, cooler heads prevailed and his main priority became abundantly clear:

Bad hockey with old guys comes first!




Finally, many thanks to Ross for this wonderful explanation of how it feels to do what it is we do.





Let's have fun out there this week!


April 25, 2010

Where, oh where to begin? First of all, the Rangers once again buried the Bruins by a tally of 8-5. Crazy Johnny tried to muster some offense of his own, almost breaking out of the zone but faltering as he couldn't get the puck out of his glove as he crossed the blue line.






Casper hit the net for the second week in a row, but sources indicated he was really trying to sharpen his shooting skills for his latest James Bond film.
Michael had a beautiful opportunity to score late, and tried desperately to fake Keith. He tried again... And again. And again. And again. The ice started to melt under his skates, and he bacame embedded in the face off dot.

Finally, after roughly 1 minute and 27 seconds of head fakes and stick handling, the great Apollo 22 caught him from behind and foiled the attempt.




FEMA was sighted outside the rink Saturday trying to determine the whereabouts of a certain methane source which international experts blame for the recent air travel snafu in Europe. Volcanic eruptions in Iceland somehow seem to be fueled by a truck parked outside the north side of the rink on Thursday nights. More details as they become available...

Has anyone ever seen Mike Hall and Coach Q in the same room?




El Presidente found himself the victim of a practical joke Thursday night, transporting a dozen or so peanuts home in the hood of his sweatshirt. Here's hoping the wayward goobers met a tasty fate.



Ok, now onto the Road Trip.

Before we were even out of the parking lot, Parker was already on Cougar patrol.

One particularly lovely vixen was available, but she had to run back home to fetch her teeth, and the bus left before she could return.

Maybe next year...
You always know you're in Wisconsin when you it's 1:30 in the afternoon, you just arrive at your destination, and some drunken wretch is running to the head spewing over his shoulder. C'mon... the gate wasn't even open yet!
Hawks Win!




Cornhole is a difficult game played mainly by drunks and White Sox fans. It requires an advanced degree in geometry along with the ability to toss corn-filled fabric bags while drinking out of a plastic cup and smoking a cigar. Here we have Anthony Caputo demonstrating angles and strategy.


Vegas oddsmakers were stunned when Coach Joe actually made it into the game. They attribute his attendance to the downturn in the economy leading to a shortage of Grey Goose.




Important safety tip for next year...
When you get on the bus and you're not sure what you're drinking, ask a friend to look at the label first.

If there isn't a label, it's Drano.




Also for next year... Stock up on this important sleep-aid kit in the event BIRD is coming again.


And finally,






April 18, 2010

Another classic back and forth duel is in the books, with the Rangers giving up three quick ones, netting eight straight, then almost screwing the pooch. As luck would have it, they held on for an 8-7 victory.

Jimmy "Sakrete" Greico struck iron, which is as close as he's gotten to the net all season. Casper fired a laser past Double Digit, burning a puck mark in his calf on the way by.

Soyuz 5 put on a clinic, dancing around everyone on A-line just to prove how slow those "Crazy Americans" really are. Calm down, oh Sultan of Swift... After 5 years of KFC for lunch every day, you'll be a spectator too.


NEWS FLASH!

Terry and Mackie kiss and make up!!







McLovin keeps complaining about knee pain.

According to his orthopedic surgeon, the problem appears to be located elsewhere...




The Illinois Lottery hit a home run with their latest commercial, paying Kenny a king's ransom to use his car. They paid him SO much that cash was blowing all over the road.

Dave "White Team Sucks" Bosak immediately swooped in and grabbed $15, just out of habit.


Finally, according to Supreme Road Trip Commander Steve Bosak: For the upcoming Miller Park trip, ignore the sheet! We will have sandwiches and cocktails from 11:00 to 12:15 in the parking lot at the rink, with the bus departing for Milwaukee at 12:15 sharp!!!! Also, bring a lawn chair!

Looking at the map on the right and all the cars in the parking lot, no wonder the bus driver gets lost every year.



April 10, 2010

For the second time this season, the teams are tied for first (or last) place, with a record of 15-15-1. The big gun this week was #33 (no, the other one), but being the humble gentleman he is, Greg wouldn't tell us if it was five or six. The thing we DO know is that he's been dogging it on B-line for a few weeks, pretending to be hurt. In a related story, the OTHER #33 was shut out in his quest to reach Ovechkin status, stuck on 49 goals and 483 assists. Maybe next week, big guy.

Rumor has it that BOTH locker rooms experienced high concentrations of methane shortly before game time. The source in locker room 2 seemed to emanate from the bench area directly below Rodney. OSHA has directed the club to provide a birdcage with a sparrow in it in each room as an early detection system in the event the methane reaches toxic proportions.







After yet another high, hard one it became apparent that Vic watched a little too much "Die Hard" before Thursday's skate.
Sometimes you can never figure out how some guys are just better than others. It takes a special devotion to a strict training regimen to be able to compete at the lofty level expected of Huff N Puff A-liners. Our newest member, Greg, was secretly photographed last month during week seven of Cosmonaut training in Uberfastistan.


This explains how he can break the sound barrier in three strides without breaking a sweat, turning McLovin inside out and leaving his spleen and half his lower intestine dangling out the back of his pants.


Finally, this whole "aging Italian" thing in locker room 2 has to stop. If you want to lounge around the house almost naked with the white socks and sandals, fine, but there are young, impressionable players that don't need to see that kind of stuff.

First it's the white socks, then the sansabelts, and all of a sudden you've got the "Members Only" jacket on, you're driving a Cadillac, and you're putting a deposit on a plot in Mount Carmel. When will it end??


April 5, 2010




Ok, White team... Here's your motivational speech for Thursday's game. If this doesn't get you up for the game, nothing will!




April 3, 2010

Big Bird is back from a brief vacation in Iowa, where there is still nothing. According to Mike Hall, Iowa means "Idiots Out Walking Around". There weren't even any of those. I guess all those neutron bomb tests are finally paying off. I saw a direct correlation between mature stalks of corn and a few Ranger b-liners. Both are tall, immobile, and if you leave them alone long enough, they'll just fall over all by themselves.



From contributing editor Steve Bosak: Recap of Thursday saw some outstanding goal tending from crazy John and Keith, with the black team holding on for an 8 to 7 win. The black team was up 8 to 4 in the 3rd period before the white team scored 3 straight goals, the last one with 1:17 to play, they pulled their goalie (John) but could not get the tying goal. Steve Parker netted a hat trick and the word was that Tom Mackie had assists on all the goals! Have a good Easter and see you next week.



P.S. We have about 10 tickets to sell for the baseball game. Bring your friends, if you have any!


March 30, 2010




It took 29 weeks, but we're all knotted up in the season series, 14-14-1. With his early season prediction coming true, Dave Bosak is starting to look like Carnak, with his "White Team Sucks" statement. Watch out, big guy, you could be on the white team next!




For one week, at least, we can all agree that being tied is like...



We're not sure what the problem is with Keith's goaltending, as he's actually stopped a few lately. He's now a considerable longshot to get that 13.0 GAA for the season. Maybe next year...
Finally, here's the thirty year anniversary video of the Bruins going into the stands at Madison Square Garden. This is really good quality. Funny how the uniforms look familiar. Click on the picture and it'll take you to the video. Secord started it all...


March 25, 2010
Another close one and a great effort by all, with the Rangers dropping it 9-5 to the surging Bruins. The Bruins have won 7 of the last 8 games, and could even the season series tonight. Currently it's Rangers atop the league with a record of 14-13-1, with the Bruins close on their tail at 13-14-1.

Prior to tonight's game, a short memorial service will be held for Mike Hall's stick. Carbon-14 dating showed the brittle twig to have been fabricated in 1273 B.C., only days after his helmet was born and hours before Bob Stiles shoulder pads. Top physicists at Fermilab suspect the stick lasted so long simply from lack of use.

In another first, one lonely slice of pizza was left to die at Kicker's on Thursday. With every intention of sending it to it's rightful resting place, yours truly was going to send it priority mail to James Bott, however the week got busy and it got tossed. Three seconds of silence will be observed immediately following the stick service.

Playing A-line, Lord Holdemort had the double hat trick for the Dark Squad with some nice tap-ins. When asked why he has a tendency to grab other players sticks, he responded, "You've got two hands, don't you?"




Player Profile - #17

It's great to have #17 back in the lineup, and given his stature with the club
we decided to do a 'Player Profile' of his illustrious career.



It all began as a young tyke, smacking his sleeping friend in the face in what would become his trademark style of play.
Next came the training phase of his hockey experience. While looking for an autograph from Mark Messier, he discovered beer and men's locker rooms. A good time to be had by all, for sure...
The innocence of youth gave way to the sordid world of male modeling, but he never forgot his roots, or his stick.

The corporate world began to take notice of his unique talent. Realizing that every shot he took struck iron, he was first offered a lucrative contract to endorse One-A-Day Vitamins, followed by a six figure deal with Sakrete. Somehow, it was just not enough.
Tired of the daily grind of endless drills, he turned to the dark side and put on the zebra stripes. His motto? "I call 'em as I see 'em".
Blowing a whistle was just not as fulfilling as shanking a one-timer into the Zamboni door. Given that there is no rush quite like gasping for air at the end of a long 15 second shift, he got serious about training for the long haul. He knew what it would take. He saw his future...
Currently, he's comfortable in his own skin. (We're not sure about clothes, though.) He's every hockey player's idol, a man who trained as hard as a man can train, and still looks like he swallowed a watermelon.

Here's to you, oh Sultan of Swig. Good luck with those laces...


Finally, remember to fill in the sheet for the Miller Park tailgate party on April 24th. RSVP to Steve Bosak by March 25th. If you lost the paper Steve was handing out, click on the picture below and you can print a new one.




DON'T FORGET!
TODAY IS THE DEADLINE.
BRING CASH!


March 15, 2010
It was close for awhile but Double Digit struck again, letting in four late in the third. He also made the old-school stick save of the decade, launching into a Gump Worsley-esque kick save in the third period.

Greg did his best Mark Prior impersonation, tearing a rotator cuff while sitting on the bench taking a swig of water.

After a wayward breakaway chance, Smigs skated perilously close to the glass with his stick in smash mode. Cooler heads prevailed, and he gave the twig another week on life support. There were three posts clanked by each squad, bringing back fond memories of Grieco's heyday.

Dave Bosak was spotted in Arizona performing his weekend job of selling beer to underage girls. Nice gams, Killer.


Remember to fill in the sheet for the Miller Park tailgate party on April 24th. RSVP to Steve Bosak by March 25th. If you lost the paper Steve was handing out, click on the picture below and you can print a new one.




Finally, nice tongue lashing by Captain Kenny. Sometimes you just gotta remember why we're out there... to have fun. It's not the Stanley Cup. It's not even Grieco's cup, which he's still looking for. Eight games left, boys, let's have a good time.


March 7, 2010
I don't know about everyone else, but was that the best overall skate we've ever had? Maybe it's because we were out of our element, but the game was so quick and the ice was SO incredibly good. Line changes seemed to go without a hitch, and it was nice to have an audience. The score could have gone either way, with the effort everyone gave. Now if the water bottles hadn't gotten left in the locker room...

Ok, enough of that...


The Chicago Wolves would like to thank Paso for testing all the light bulbs in the scoreboard, as nobody had gotten the score up to 8 in years. There was a nice spread of food in the locker room, but Bott got there early and snarfed it all down, leaving nary a trace. Apollo 22 was king for a day, changing in the lounge chair before the game. Did anyone notice how quickly that translated into a goal? Expect a slightly used la-z-boy to appear shortly at Franklin Park.

Tommy stood on his head after a couple of defensive lapses by yours truly, and Doc unselfishly gave McLovin the Hat Trick attempt with time expiring. Ross had a great tip-in in traffic, and it was great to see Cheli out there again, even though he was sucking wind after 3 minutes. Anthony set a new personal record by appearing in two games in the same season, notching a nice score.

The attendance for the HNP skate was delightfully free of the large bearded Wisconsin women seen later in the evening, who were trucked in in half-loaded trailers to comply with interstate highway weight limits. Although the HNP skate didn't have any fireworks, Keith was thankful after all the noise he created with that goal horn.

As we were lacing our skates in the tunnel, a wayward Bud Light Zamboni made a U-turn in front of Grieco, who though it was making a delivery. Calm down, big guy, refreshments come AFTER the skate. Perhaps someone should dangle a beer near the opposition net...

This was perhaps the BEST exhibition of HNP hockey considering the change in format and actually having witnesses. I'm not sure how we looked to others, but it was great to feel like a real hockey player for a day. Let's look forward and try to keep capturing that, and remember to respect each other out there. That brings out the best in us and our game.



March 5, 2010
This is the roster for Saturday's All-Star Game at the Allstate Arena:


Team Huff

2 Steve Parker
5 Vic Permattei
6 Ross Perrelli
9 Dave Bosak
12 Kevin Killips
14 Steve Bosak
22 Nick Kiotis
29 Keith Pasowicz
33 Tom Mackie
53 Anthony Caputo
54 Mike Hartman
77 Bob Stiles



Team Puff

6 Bill Thorn
7 Mark Giacomin
9 Mike Carlino
14 Matt Trudeau
17 Jim Grieco
20 Bill Trudeau
22 Kenny Kallas
31 Tom Flannery
33 Greg Wurglitz
40 John Iovinelli
53 Bill Thorn
61 Rodney Cantrell
Referees: Ricky Wurglitz and Pat Coyle


March 3, 2010

ALL GAMES FOR THE REMAINDER OF THE SEASON START AT 9:20 !!!!! ..... DON'T BE LATE !


February 26, 2010
Great skate, gentlemen. Yet another see-saw rumble with perfect attendance. Keith did his best to get to double-digits, but he ran out of time. Maybe next week... Casper did a great Smigs impersonation, but the twig just wouldn't snap.

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman, your senior drill instructor, put one in from long range that seemed to elude 8 sticks and 14 legs. Just before he took the shot, he was heard screaming at the puck, "What's your major malfunction, numnuts".

Mackie, Rodney, and Bobby Stiles have been invited to take part in next weeks taping of the Dr. Phil show. No word on the subject matter...

Parker almost scored at Kickers during what could be best described as a taping of the Jerry Springer show. Sources indicated it was an attempt at combining Mardi Gras, Professional Hog Calling and Cows on Parade. One heifer was wearing enough green fabric to re-carpet the Astrodome.
If you've got any extra tickets for Saturday night's Wolves game, bring them with thursday and give them to Bill Thorn. He'll redistribute them to needy Huff N Puffers with big families.



NEWS FLASH: The annual Huff N Puff Milwaukee trip will be Saturday April 24th. The Brewers will be hosting the Cubs, for those of you who make it inside. More details soon...



Finally, there's a $20,000 bounty for anyone who brings me the head of Punxsutawney Phil. Enough snow already, this isn't Buffalo. I've broken two shovels so far (Seriously), I fell on my ass taking out the garbage, and I'm tired of smelling like two-cycle fuel from running the snowblower with the choke closed. Grrrr....


February 20, 2010
Nice turnout on Thursday, boys! It was a see-saw battle to the end, just the kind of game we hope for every week. The Bruins came out on top 11-9, and Keith is seriously working on lowering his nickname from Bakersdozen all the way down to Doubledigit. Keep it up, big guy. It worked for Tony-8 and Eddie Belfive.

Nicky Moose finally scored on the 14th rebound of his own shot, while Vic floated in a wrist shot from the faceoff dot. He had Johnny crossed up, as he would usually blast a slap shot off the glass from there. During the pregame, Johnny was overheard praying to the Voodoo god 'Jobu', claiming 'straight puck I stop very much... Curve puck, pads are afraid'.

If you were on the Ranger A-line last week and you name is Mike, stop by the front desk for some stick-um.

Sources have notified us that Lovinelli will now be called Anti-Casper, for disappearing in the first and second periods.


McLovin almost set a HuffNPuff record for lost jerseys in a season, with Steve B retrieving the wayward sweater from the bench after the game. In his defense, he stated "I figure if I lost both I could wear my dad's number and everybody would think I was him, what with him being so ridiculously slow and predictable. It was purely a stealth move."

Finally, CHECK THE ROSTER!!! Next week we change teams again for the third and final session, so look to see what team you're on. It might be a good idea to bring both jerseys, just in case.


February 15, 2010
For the seventh time in eleven games we had a blowout, with the Bruins putting a beating on the Rangers, 13-6.

I'm gonna go ahead and say it here, 'cause more than a few players are thinking it... We've tried to keep the teams even in order to make the skate as enjoyable as possible for everybody. There's nothing better than to have a 4-3 or 6-5 game where everyone touches the puck and feels like they're contributing to the club. For that to happen, each member has to remain unselfish and pass the puck, an area in which we've made great strides the past couple of years. The problem we have now is attendance. This club has always been a social club, with hockey being the common thread to a number of fabulous friendships. Busting balls respectfully is something to be treasured when it can be done well on a weekly basis.

This season as in past seasons, we've broken the year into sessions, with the teams being changed up to keep it fresh. During the first 11 weeks of the season, the average differential of goals was 2.2 goals per week. We've had some serious attendance problems the second session, which has caused juggling of the teams on the spur of the moment. The idea is to keep the teams even in talent, and that has been a real challenge. The second session goal differential is 5.4, which is no fun for anybody. It's human nature to not like getting your ass kicked, but you don't want to take it easy on somebody either. A 13-2 score makes everyone on the ice feel cheated out of what little time we have left doing this. (You younger guys will understand that someday) This coming week is the last of the second session, then the teams get redrawn.

The last few years we had a rule that if you didn't show up for the skate without calling, you got three strikes before you were off the club. The only way to keep the games competitive is to keep the teams even. It would be a real shame if we have to draw up teams not based on talent, but on who's likely to show up. C'mon guys, time to "Commit".



February 8, 2010
EMERGENCY UPDATE!!

Photos obtained from an unnamed source confirm that in keeping with his tradition of play in the third period, Casper wore "stealth white" so he could disappear late in the ceremony. Rumor has it that as Michael was passing the ring to the reverend it was intercepted. He then pulled a Sher-Wood out from under his tux and smashed it across the altar. More details when they become available...





February 5, 2010
Nothing like another close game, eh? In keeping with this year's tradition, it's either feast or famine, with the Bruins pounding the Rangers 15-6. Payback for last week??

There was a roster shake-up due to the disappearance of Casper and Friends, and the replacement players had to be wondering what they had gotten themselves into. The Bruin B line had an extra skater, which exposed their ability to count to six. When he was supposed to be dropping the puck, Ostrich did his best little-league-left-fielder impersonation, looking around at all the pretty lights, blissfully unaware that the play had stopped and everybody was lined up for the faceoff. The A-line center, whose name will not be used due to being in witness protection, promptly gave the 7 foot pylon a two hander to the groin.

The White team had problems of their own running the clock, and it was painfully obvious that some training needs to be done. The club has signed a group of free agents to man the buttons for the remainder of the season...



James "Howyoudoin" Grieco laced 'em up for the first time this season, outskating most of his over 60 teammates. At one point he flew into the offensive zone, split the D, then took the puck and dove into the end zone. Wrong sport there, sparky... only Mackie gets six points for that move.

Keith "Bakersdozen" Pasowicz suffered a game ending knee injury with 4:04 left on the clock, and had to be helped off the ice. Some grumbled that he was just trying to keep his GAA under 16. Wurgy pointed out that the game should be listed not as a loss, but an "imcomplete", but unofficial Huff N Puff rules also state that it could have ended under the Slaughter Rule. Joe Smigiel will rule on that, if we ever see him again.

There was a surprise appearance by Anthony, who claimed he hadn't skated in 6 years. After watching him play, we believe him. Sources stated they thought someone had gene-spliced Convict and Bob West.

Finally, we applaud the HNP personnel department for the great job filling holes this week. We are especially appreciative that they weren't tempted to add Charlie to the roster, given that Anthony was here. The trash talking could have gotten out of control, and it's a certainty there would've been a Wilbur sighting. My God, there are children in the neighborhood...


February 2, 2010
For the second week in a row, Hall-Of-Fame greatness was in the building. Sans skates this week, Mr. Giacomin signed autographs and posed for pictures at the east end goal, then stated he was 'scouting'. Must be some over 60 beer league somewhere looking for raw talent...

McLovin had the hot hand, putting up a double hat trick for the Rangers in a 9-1 drubbing of the Bruins. On his facebook page, he determined that 'The Black team sucks unless I'm on it', and something about putting up a touchdown... Calm down, Marian...

Sounds like bulletin board stuff for next week.



Casper will not be in attendance this week due to his upcoming nuptials, but as Chez noted, when doesn't he disappear?

Crazy Johnny came within 6 inches of the first HNP shutout ever, but three sets of eyes thought it crossed the line while in midair. If it didn't, tough $#!t. You only get that call in the third period of a shutout, not the first...

Stellar work on the clock this week. I guess the black team doesn't suck at everything.

All in all, a very low drama skate. Well done, boys!


January 28, 2010
Well, when Hall Of Famers show up, all hell breaks loose... Chants of 'Eddie, Eddie' would have been heard throughout the building, assuming there was anyone in attendance. After drawing a typical crowd of zero, some of the players decided to let their sticks do the talking instead. Just ask Jim 'The Whistler' Grieco, after taking a nice two hander to the 'upper body' from Kenny 'Loose Cannon' Kallas. "You know, you always have to be watchin' this guy" said the slower-than-molasses zebra. "I saw my drinking career flash before my eyes on that one".

The game had to be stopped briefly during the second period to break up the torrid love affair between Mr. Giacomin's skates and Mike Hall's helmet. The two long lost lovers hadn't seen each other since the 70's, but the flame was still burning. A hollywood director called and movie rights are pending...

Once again, the white team had more than it's fair share of clock woes. Refresher course: Push the 'Clock' button to start the clock. If it's already running, pushing the 'Clock' button will make it stop. The Home team wears dark, the Guest wears white. There are NO two point goals. And when the shift ends, hit the HORN button. Ever heard the 'Green Side Up' joke about laying sod? Well, think about B-liners and 2 minute shifts...

After giving up 13 goals for the second time in 2 months, Keith is well on his way to a new nickname...

And finally, Sally is having a used stick sale for charity, with 100% of the proceeds going to goaltender suicide prevention. Rumor has it that they're all 'Half Off'.





January 18, 2010
Try as they might, the Bruins couldn't maintain the winning streak and fell to the Powerhouse Rangers 8-6 on the strength of an empty-netter in the final ticks. It was a see-saw battle all the way, with Rodney pacing the way with a plus 52.

Before the skate, the team photographer tried to take a group shot, but Apollo 22 suddenly blasted off and barely made the picture. Local firefighters responded, but it was too late as his solid rocket booster had already put him through the roof and into orbit.

Upon re-entry late in the first period and crashing through a second hole just yards from the first, the fiery competitor blurted out, "HORN", as two B-line skaters were still chasing the puck a minute and a half after the shift had ended. Stunned onlookers marveled at how close he came to returning through the same hole he had left through.

"Oh, I coulda come back dat way, but been dere dun dat."




After receiving a few complaints on proper puck-dropping etiquette, a new feature will be presented on a weekly basis refreshing our memories on the skills we all need to make us better Huff N Puffers.

The following diagram shows the proper technique for face-offs. Notice the referee has his hand approximately two feet off the ice and he's giving the puck a nice, clean snap. The players are lined up evenly, giving each a fair opportunity to help their team.


A rumored Smigs sighting was debunked after sources produced this photo. While the resemblance is striking, we couldn't help but notice that the tattoo is one of those rub-ons.

Tsk Tsk... If you're gonna love a team, say it in INK!



And finally, the United Center had a skating party for season ticket holders last Saturday...




January 9, 2010
A see-saw battle to the end! In classic fashion, the Bruins went up early, then scored late to hang on to a hard-fought 7-6 victory in regulation. Considering there isn't any overtime (as it cuts into bar-time), the Bruins knew they had to chuck a slow one at Keith late in the game. As usual, he let it slide right on by. (No disrespect, buddy.)

Bill Thorn Sr once again tried to hammer his way though the end boards. Being unsuccessful in that endevour, he then turned his angst toward the ice. The wily veteran decided to cut his losses and skate to the bench with his arm dangling by two tendons and some duct tape vowing "Screw the boards and the ice, I'm gonna hit me one of them there Bruin guys next shift."

The Rangers shook up their B-line in the third period, with Santa moving up to right wing and netting his 100th of the season. (The statistics for goal scoring on the B-line are being calculated in Base 2, except for Mackie and McLovin.)

Tommy kicked out a beautiful wrist shot that was heading low and inside the post late in the third, preserving the final tally. Upon the final horn sounding, the familiar chant of 'White Team Sucks'
was heard emanating from the vicinity of Terry "Boom Boom" Hark.

* Editor's Note: It took 17 weeks for the Bruins to string together a two game winning streak.



January 4, 2010
Yet another squeaker is in the books, with the Bruins eking out a slim 13-2 victory. Attendance was rather light, forcing a few A-liners to perform double duty. It was Tommy's turn to win the 13 goal pool, noting "It would have been closer, but the guys on my team couldn't hit the floor if they fell off a bar stool. Also, I felt bad for Keith after I noticed he had the suicide prevention hotline on speed-dial."

After referring to the Huff N Puff double-secret scoring rule book, Mackie gave himself an assist while sitting at the scorer's bench, stating "If I hadn't put the 5th goal on the board, we would have only scored 12."

Police Blotter:
McLovin lost his white jersey after leaving it on the bench outside the locker room. No doubt someone from the previous skate has control of the contraband sweater. If anyone has any info, it would be appreciated, otherwise he'll be wearing Dad's #20 the rest of the season, and quite frankly it will NEVER get laundered.



Ostrich turned the clock back 40 years today and laced 'em up on Addison Creek, along Wolf Road in Northlake. Back in the day, everybody staked out their own area of the pond and shoveled it when the flurries flew.


Even shot a few pucks at "Stony-O", and he's still hard to beat. He sure gives up some fat rebounds, though...


Finally, for those of you that remember "Where's Waldo", we have a festive new holiday game...


Where's Rodney?


December 28, 2009
As the holidays are upon us, let's reflect on two of the game's greats and why we play...


December 18, 2009
Another pitcher's duel is in the books, with the white team barely escaping with a close 9-1 victory. Tommy came thisclose to the first Huff N Puff shutout ever, but he got an assist on the one that got by him. Ostrich was looking for some sand to bury his head in and when he found there was none available, he tried the boards instead.

The next two skates are Tuesdays, so if you show up on Christmas Eve and wonder where everybody is you're a Buffoon.

Now on to world news...
From USA Today, December 18, 2009:

Archaeologists resurrect pylon from Cleopatra's reign

ALEXANDRIA, Egypt — Archaeologists on Thursday hoisted a 9-ton pylon from the waters of the Mediterranean that was part of the palace complex of the fabled Cleopatra before it became submerged for centuries in the harbor of Alexandria.
The pylon, which once stood at the entrance to a temple of Isis, is to be the centerpiece of an underwater museum planned by Egypt to showcase the sunken city, which may have been toppled into the sea by earthquakes in the fourth century.

Divers and underwater archaeologists used a giant crane and ropes to lift the 9-ton, 7.4-foot-tall pylon, covered with muck and seaweed, out of the murky waters. It was deposited ashore as Egypt's top archaeologist, Zahi Hawass, and others watched.

"This is an important part of Alexandria's history, and it brings us closer to knowing more about the ancient city," Hawass said.

A truck stood by to ferry the pylon to a freshwater tank, where it will lie for six months until all the salt, which acts as a preservative underwater but damages objects once exposed to air, is dissolved.


Sources at the United Center have spotted Chez abducting children and joyriding the Zamboni. As he was doing a good job and blending in so well, the free labor was much appreciated. Somebody's got to pay for all those contracts, eh?

On a side note, Detroit Sucks.


December 16, 2009
MORNING FELLOW PUFFERS

HAPPY HOLIDAYS TO ALL. DON'T KNOW HOW BUT I RECIEVED AN E-MAIL FROM LADY GAGA. SHE WANTS TO DROP THE CEREMONIAL PUCK FOR OUR MARCH 6th MATINÉE,(TV GAME ON ESPN IN BOSEMONT, MONTANA. ALL OTHER AREAS WILL BE BLACKED OUT) SHE ALSO STATED SINCE THE (DARK TEAM) BOSTON GUYS DON'T HAVE A DOOR PERSON,TOWEL LADY OR WATER BOTTLE HOSTESS, SHE WANTS TO DO DAT SINCE DA (WHITE TEAM) NEW YORKERS, HAVE CARRIE UNDERWOOD. I ONLY THOUGHT IT WAS FAIR THAT EACH TEAM HAS A SQUEEZE ON DA BENCH.

ALSO, BILL SR. NEEDS THE MONIES($$ 100) FOR THE GAME DIS THURSDAY, SOOOO IF YOU CAN PASS DIS ON TO OUR FELLOW PUFFERS, THAT WOULD BE GREAT. HAVE A GREAT DAY STAAAAY WARM.

KENNY
December 10, 2009
"Taz" Mackey had quite a night, netting 5 and adding 47 assists. According to new double-secret Huff N Puff rules, every time you touch the puck prior to a goal counts as an assist, even to yourself.

Ross "Don't Touch The Hair" Perrelli sniped a pair on one shift, then came up lame later in the period trying to keep up with the B-line onslaught.

Santa appeared to have the upcoming holiday on his mind, what with feeding the reindeer and getting all those toys and goodies onto the sleigh. Forwards repeatedly skated by him unmolested, and on one particular rush sources indicate he was overcome by "Visions of Sugar Plums" dancing in his head.

Ostrich had a career night doubling up McLovin's 2 goal effort and gaining bragging rights for the ride home. "I just pretended I was shooting at myself, and it all became so easy".

There was a trifecta of perfect play with 5:18 left in the third. when Hartman pinched in on the play, got a strong shot off (ON NET), then the play turned around and Sniper Smigs raced down the left boards toward the other goal. Upon entering the zone offside, The whistle was promptly and heartily blown by referee Jim "Lungs" Grieco. "I was just practicing for my next Field Sobriety Test", said the well winded zebra.



** Injury Report **
All members not reporting a lower body injury have an upper body injury with the exception of Grieco who has a Corona-induced middle body injury.

Conflicting reports have circulated regarding the whereabouts of Joe Smigiel. Rumor has it that he has either the HnP1 flu virus, or some type of fabric-induced allergic reaction to the Rangers jersey. More details as they become available...
December 4, 2009
We knew we were in for a long one when Johnny "The Roaming Gnome" Napolitano started to skate in citrcles around the net like a third grader hopped up on Twinkies. Tom "Full Contact" Mackie found himself alone in front with no one in goal, so he fired it wide. "I didn't feel right about padding my stats on that one."

On a side note, Mike Hartman had two shots on goal in the same game, defying all Vegas oddmakers.

Vic "Headhunter" Piermattei let fly a cannon of a slapshot from the top of the crease late in the third, hitting nothing but glass.


Bill Thorn almost had the Gordie Howe hat trick, but was restrained from completing the feat by Keith "How Did THAT Go In" Pasowicz. Upon completing a successful hog-tie of his fire-eyed opponent, he quipped, "At least I stopped something tonight."


December 2, 2009

DEAR FELLOW PUFFERS: "CARRIE UNDERWOOD " HAS DECIDED TO WORK THE WHITE TEAMS BENCH INSTEAD OF THE DARK TEAM FOR THE MARCH 6TH EVENT.SOOOOO SORRY, FOR THE MISPRINT

KENNY
November 29, 2009
In lieu of a game summary for this week since we didn't have one, here is a report from correspondent Kenny Kallas:

MORNING FELLOW PUFFERS'

HOPE EVERYONE HAD A GREAT TURKEY DAY. AS YOU KNOW WE HAVE A "BIG" DATE (HOCKEY DAY IN ROSEMONT) MARCH 6th.

DON CHERRY N DARREN PANG WILL DO THE PLAY BY PLAY. EDDIE NO CHECK IS TRYING TO SPELL ELEVATE THIS, SO THANK THE HIGH HEAVENS HE'S STUCK IN THE SPELL CHECK MODE AT HIS HOUSE.

ALSO,CARRIE UNDERWOOD WILL SING THE STAR SPANGLED BANNER. SHE WILL BE WORKING THE DARK TEAM'S BENCH (WATER,TOWELS,DOOR TO GET ON/OFF DA ICE) O.K. IF YOU BELIEVE THAT B.S, BILL T (MR 7') WILL NET #50 BY FIRST SKATE IN JUNE.

JUST A REMINDER TO BRING YOUR PASS PORT (FORM THAT MR. THORN HANDED OUT)

I DON'T HAVE ALL THE E-MAILS SO FORWARD DIS TO SOME OTHER CLUB MEMBERS. YOU KNOW HOW WE GET "BRAIN CRAMPS". HOPE YOU ENJOYED A GOOD LAF

YOUR FELLOW PUFFER
KENNY

Editor's note: I've been getting good input on modifying the website so it's more user friendly. The intro page was making it impossible to pull the site up on a Crackberry, so I moved it to the 'videos' page. PLEASE send anything you want to put on here, or any creative comments to billtrudeau@gmail.com. Hasta Luigi.

The Bott Cup
November 19, 2009
For the second straight week, Doc faceplanted in the realm of Bott's ghost. Unconfirmed sources indicated there was some leftover pizza residue on the ice. A passing Hollywood agent noticed the spiral whirlybird and immediately offered Doc a part in the upcoming remake of 'Top Gun', playing the part of Maverick's plane whilst in a "flat spin heading out to sea".

November 12, 2009
Well, again proving that No Lead Is Too Safe, the first tie of the season is in the books. It was a classic pitcher's duel, with each netminder doing his best to keep his GAA under 11.

Doc uncharacteristically committed the highlight-reel faceplant of the year in the west end of the ice. Sources blame the ghost of Bott, who has been reported as occupying the 3 foot by 3 foot area of the ice where he exclusively has played for the past 7 years. An exorcism will be performed during the next full moon by Charlie Petruzzi, which is redundant.

Jim "Sakrete" Grieco made a surprise appearance as a zebra Thursday, proving that hands of stone can apply not only to sticks but also to whistles. Johnny "Where's He Going" Napolitano was so quick with the glove handed breakout attempts that the pylon-turned-referee could only wonder, "should I blow the whistle before he crosses the red line?"

On the Roaming Gnome's 17th attempt at skating the puck out of the zone, he committed a turnover leading to an Ostrich panic shot off McLovin and into the net. Several disgruntled dark team members complained that the play was offside, but Grieco was still trying to figure out which end of the whistle to blow in.

Mackie swore that he tipped in four of the white team B-line goals, but the replays clearly showed he was playing dark A-line and sitting on the bench at the time.

There was a Casper sighting at the United Center Friday night, proving that at least one man on the squad has witnessed good hockey this season. When queried why he couldn't make it to Huff N Puff on Thursday, he replied, " I had this killer hangnail, dude."
November 5, 2009
For the first time in 9 weeks, it didn't rain on a Thursday.

There were no sticks broken by either of the Smiggie boys, but that's because the elder was not in attendance. Santa was on the receiving end of the gift-giving process, with a nice redirect of a Tumbler hand grenade.

Doc suffered an evening-ending injury on the final A-line shift. Sources quoted him as saying "If it had happened in the first period, I would have performed ACL reconstruction on myself and been back on the ice for the third period."

In a related story, the cadaver whose parts were to have been harvested for the surgery turns out to not have been dead. Teammate Steve Bosak said, "He didn't move for two hours, so we thought he had passed on", referring to the not-so-late #88.

Finally, dark team spin-doctor Dave Bosak reiterated his opinion that the "White Team Sucks". White team sources have found a photo of the store that Dave buys his hockey equipment at...

October 28, 2009
Huff N Puff News Flash!!

As it turns out, Huff N Puff tough guy and headhunter Vic Piermattei recently dined with flaxen-haired Guy Fieri of the Food Network at Tufano's. "I wasn't havin' lunch with the stunad" said Vic. "I was just minding my own business and this guy sits down at my table and starts playin' 20 questions."

When asked what he thought of Mr. Fieri's golden locks, Vic said, "No self-respectin' Italian would ever put that crap in his hair. Only fanuks and Hartman do that."

October 22, 2009
There was a surprise Guest Appearance this week at Huff N Puff .. Charlie ” Wilbur” Petruzzi made his first visit of the season and disrupted the entire game and building facility. Petruzzi has self nick named his infamous appendage ”Wilbur” as he is constantly pants-less and awkardly tries to introduce ”Wilbur” to any female within a 10 mile radius to no avail. Petruzzi also stunk up the facility with a stench so bad that he set off the fire alarms which caused a temporary delay in the game.

Petruzzi is best known for squatting in garbage cans, frequently urinating in public places especially bars and waving ”Wilbur” around as if he were a proud Patriot waving the American flag.

Keith became a veteran this week, doing his best Khabiblewone impression with a nice pass off the left post to a wide open Mackie. Upholding the motto that "No Lead Is Too Safe", the white team jumped out to a five zip lead before allowing Ringmaster Bott to knot the score 6-6 with a wicked stuff shot from 4 inches out.

As luck would have it, The White "A" line finally woke up from their 7 week slumber and made a shift of it late in the game, potting four in under 2 minutes. Casper tied Coach Joe for the league lead in intentionally snapped twigs, but at least he waited for the puck to cross the goal line and made sure time hadn't expired.

The best pass of the evening came at Kicker's from Parker the Beer Fairy, setting up Ostrich with a nice no-look Corona one-timer.
October 15, 2009
With the season less than 2 months old there is already trouble brewing in the paradise known as Huff N Puff Hockey at Franklin Park. Veteran Hack Dave Bosak, a so called defenseman on the Black team is passing notes and making statements all over Cook County that” the White Team Sucks!!”. Bosak whose nickname is the ”Human Turnstyle” seems to not notice that his teams record is 1 – 6. Bosak also took an unnecessary shot at reserve goalie”Crazy” Johnny Napolitano who recently underwent a vasectomy. Bosak is quoted ”He couldnt stop a beach ball thrown from the second balcony.” The only comment came from the White Team spokesman Kennny Kallas who stated ” All I can tell you is that they(Black team) all voted for Obama”

Black Team Lead Goon Jim Bott took time between shoveling pizza slices in his mouth 2 at at time to warn that ”I will unleash my fury on any White Team member that comes near me.” Bott who sports a headband beneath his helmet to prevent his flowing locks from getting in his eyes is preparing for his centerfold debut in the December 2009 issue of PLAYGIRL Magazine.

Team Treasurer Ross Perrelli, a 15 year plus Huff N Puff member has yet to have his hair messed up on a Thursday night...

Joe Smigiel smashed another one of his sticks over a crossbar...
God help us if Rodney bends over in the locker room one more time...
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